Tearable Puns

Bakers aren't always broke

Bakers aren't always broke, but they often knead dough.

What do snowmen eat for lunch?

 

What do snowmen eat for lunch? Icebergers.

Hockey players play for the greatest Marvel award

Hockey players play for the greatest Marvel award: the Stan-Lee Cup

Scientist discovered a new part of the human eye.

Scientist discovered a new part of the human eye. It was hidden in plain sight.

If you remove one of these

So if you remove one of these puns does that make you a tearist?

A pun, at maturity....

A pun, at maturity, is fully groan.

Oxygen and Potassium went on a date.

Oxygen and Potassium went on a date. It went OK.

I was looking for a career.

I was looking for a career. I think that pyrotechnics sparks my interest.

I saw a theatrical production about puns.

I saw a theatrical production about puns. It was a play on words.

Where do snowmen go to dance?

Where do snowmen go to dance? Snowballs.

How do Vikings communicate?

 

How do Vikings communicate? Norse code.

I used to have a fear of hurdles

I used to have a fear of hurdles, but I got over it.

What did the papa buffalo say the baby buffalo as he went to work?

What did the papa buffalo say the baby buffalo as he went to work? Bison!

What kind of bears won't come in out of the rain?

What kind of bears won't come in out of the rain? Drizzly Bears.

What pine has the sharpest needles?

What pine has the sharpest needles? A porcupine.

The hipster burnt his mouth

 

The Hipster burnt his mouth because he drank the coffee before it was cool. 

Why did the lobster cross the road?

Why did the lobster cross the road? To get to the other tide.

How does Wayne Gretsky stay cool?

How does Wayne Gretsky stay cool? He sits near his fans.

Did anyone laugh when you fell on while skating?

Did anyone laugh when you fell on while skating?

No but the ice cracked a little.

I used to be colorful.

I used to be colorful. Now I am just graygarious.

I heard some hipsters drowned.

I heard some hipsters drowned. They must have fell into the mainstream.

Why did the can crusher quit his job?

Why did the can crusher quit his job? Because it was soda pressing.

The ladies thought the old man was...

The ladies thought the old man was very attractive. He was as coot as a button.

I missed an appointment with my masseuse

I missed an appointment with my masseuse. She left a massage on my answering machine.

Pinning pictures on a bulletin board

Pinning pictures on a bulletin board seems a bit tacky to me.

A man drowned in a bowl of muesli.

A man drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in.

A dyslexic man walked into...

A dyslexic man walked into a bra.

A bicycle can't stand

A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two tired.

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A boy swallowed some coins.

A boy swallowed some coins. When the doctor checked in, the nurse said, "No change yet."

The soldier who survived mustard gas

The soldier, who survived mustard gas and pepper spray, is now a seasoned veteran.

Definition of a Will

Definition of a Will: It's a dead giveaway.

Tearable Puns Poster #3: Tearable Puns To Go

Your wait is over! The Tearable Puns poster #3 is now available! Print and post at home, work, grocery store, library, and school!

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I was sad when my brand-new feather pillow...

I was sad when my brand-new feather pillow split. I was feeling down-in-the-mouth for a week.

I should have been sad when the batteries in my flashlight went dead

I should have been sad when the batteries in my flashlight went dead, but I was delighted.

Carpe dime

Carpe dime: Seize the coin. 

I've always wanted to hand out carts

I've always wanted to hand out carts at Walmart. I can't imagine a greeter job.

I couldn't wait for the story-tellers conference

I couldn't wait for the story-tellers conference. Exciting to hear the lore of the crowd.

My girlfriend always gets her way

My girlfriend always gets her way by pretending she's sad. She's an expert in sighcology.

My car was once hit by a truck

My car was once hit by a truck. I wasn't hurt but I got the freight of my life.

My wife tried to apply at the post office

My wife tried to apply at the post office but they wouldn't letter. They said only mails work here.

Those who jump off a bridge in Paris

Those who jump off a bridge in Paris are in Seine.

The roundest knight

The roundest knight at the Round Table was Sir Cumference. He had too much pi.

The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison

The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

What do you call a fake noodle?

What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.

Witches' parking only

Witches' parking only: All others will be toad. 

--David D.

I entered a humor contest

I entered a humor contest with ten entries to insure at least one would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

I did a theatrical performance about puns

I did a theatrical performance about puns. Really it was just a play on words.

I tried to tell a pun today about rubber bands

I tried to tell a pun today about rubber bands, but it was a stretch

When cannibals ate a missionary...

When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.